January is often the time when resolutions are made: - less sugar, fewer carbs, no alcohol, (just for January!) more exercise, start that art class…
Yet even just in the making, you may hear a quiet whisper. “You said this last January: your gym membership ran out and you’d only been twice; you want to do that - at your age?” It scuppers your resolve immediately.
This is your “Saboteur”.
You may have met him in other circumstances. Someone has just paid you a compliment – “ What a beautiful dress! You look lovely.” How do you reply? “Thank you. I love it” or do you mutter something about “This old thing? I’ve had it years”? Part of you doesn’t believe you can look lovely. There can be a deep, almost hidden, sense of unworthiness. “ I can’t possibly look that nice”. This is the Saboteur.
We seem unable to accept that we can be happy/successful/talented but envy those who are.
Panache Desai writes about the Saboteur in a most interesting book – “Discovering your Soul Signature”. Fear, sadness, guilt, shame, self-judgment, patterns of behaviour and thinking can prevent us achieving our true purpose, our full development. So can self-sabotage.
Much is written about developing your business, increasing profit, marketing, how we should look, where and what to shop for. What about you? Were you born into this wonderful world with intelligence, perception, feelings and sensibilities just to work and shop?
I think we are here to evolve. To own and heal grief, despair, guilt, fear, hatred and doubt. If we don’t, they control us, preventing us from becoming the full, joyous wondrous Beings that we really are.
Why is the Saboteur there? He is there to test our resolve. He is asking, “ Are you sure? Do you have the determination? Do you believe in yourself? Do you love yourself”. How can you catch the Saboteur at his game?
Various forms of therapy can help, but in the end it comes down to awareness, and courage. Notice these diminishing thoughts; choose to love yourself enough to be courageous in the face of them to say, ”No, I don’t believe you” and make a different choice. Stop. Breathe deeply and slowly. Come down into your heart.
“I am good enough. I can and will do this. I choose to be happy. I choose to be successful, slim, healthy”.
Good luck! You deserve it.
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