Guilty or Not Guilty......of being a bad mummy.
Karen Gane Advantage Gane (HR) My whole world changed, for the better, in 2003 with the birth of my first child. Nothing prepared me for the intense feelings of love and the fierce need to protect my baby from hurt or sadness. I had taken maternity leave from a job which, up until this point, had been my passion. I have worked hard on my career, using redundancy money to gain my BA(Hons) degree in Human Resource Management as well as studying in the evenings for my Chartered Institute of Personnel qualification and since gaining the Management CIPD status. I should probably explain that I am very loyal......in personal and professional relationships, maybe instilled through my upbringing but certainly through my own moral code. So, after the precious time on maternity leave I had to return to work. This is the time when the “guilt” set in. Firstly guilt that I was leaving my baby, and second guilty that I wasn't wholly focused on my job anymore. There are many papers and articles on what are perceived as being “best for baby”, a stay at home mum or a working mum. Neither it would seem is right. All mothers need to make their own decisions based on our own personal circumstances. The morning routine changed, it wasn't just me I needed to get out the door at a certain time. The daily calls to find out what my baby was up to both helped and hindered my feelings of guilt. The evening routine changed, it now included picking up my baby and the time this took before I got home. Then the bedtime routine which pre baby included whatever I fancied doing: visiting friends, cinema, studying, nights out etc. Post baby was either idyllic with bath time or petrifying with sleep time with a colicky baby. I talk to my husband to check if he feels the same about feeling guilty..... “No” is his reply. I could go on with many examples, and I would like to say that the feelings of guilt have diluted once my baby started school but they haven’t. What I have learnt to do is cope with those feelings better. How? By looking at my now two children and seeing them both happy (most of the time) and thriving. They are my measure now.....that and lots of tips and techniques for juggling motherhood and a career! Am I guilty or not guilty then of being a good or bad mummy? The debate will go on, what I do know is next time; I am coming back as a man........ That’s a whole different debate – whether men or women have it easier, one I’ll keep to myself (and my friends on rare nights out!)
9 Comments
Nicola Lee
17/7/2013 02:11:28 pm
Well said, guilt is a funny thing, guilty for providing for your children???? Proud I would say and I'm sure your children & unable to feel guilty (yet extremely supportive) husband are proud too.
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Karen
18/7/2013 03:54:47 am
Thank you.
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Sharon Jones
17/7/2013 02:30:29 pm
We also must remember all of the love and experiences they receive while we provide for them!
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Karen
18/7/2013 03:55:44 am
That's true Sharon, indeed.
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18/7/2013 07:10:28 am
As a dad of 3 girls, and a working wife, guilt is not exclusively that of the mum. No doubt it's harder for the mum, but knowing how much I miss of them growing how often I am away from them is not easy. I try to get every minute I can with them. The youngest starts school in September and if I've learnt anything it is that they need good role models because they learn by example. It may not help ease your feelings of guilt but showing them that a mum doesn't have stay at home and that they can achieve through hard work is something to be proud of.
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Andrea Nicholls
6/9/2013 02:24:28 pm
A happy mum is a happy child. That's the motto I tell myself most days, after dropping him at nursery and feeling that dreaded guilt feeling. However quantity is not quality, and I much rather prefer quality time with my child. Brilliant piece from the heart which all working mothers can relate to.
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Karen
7/9/2013 12:20:15 am
Thank you Andrea, very kind. Thank you also for taking the time to comment.
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